Sunday, January 12, 2014

Neither Rich, Neither Poor, But It Wasn't Easy.

It is wrong to show happiness? Is it wrong to share that happiness?

I don't know what other people are going through, but let me tell you how it was for me growing up.

My mother was an independent woman. I mean seriously, a super woman. She does everything and I mean EVERYTHING. She works, she cooks, she sends me and my siblings to school/tuition classes/islamic classes/ballet classes/football/etc (you name it), she does the groceries, pay the bills, pay the house, just literally EVERYTHING.

My dad? He appears once in a while in the picture and I don't want to go into that.

Anyway, growing up especially during primary school I used to hate my mother. I love her, but sometimes I was just so angry at her. Angry at how she was working all the time and I was craving for the attention. When I was in Secondary school, I saw my sister was going through the same thing, but if I see it differently, she spends more time with us than any working mother could have ever done. I mean, how can you be working and send your children to school at the same time? Then send us again to where ever we wanted to go. Even to malls on weekend!

I hated the day I had my driving licence. It just means, I can go anywhere I want by myself now. Mean, I'll have less time with mother. Sometimes the only time we had was in the car when she's sending me somewhere. Until she had to say, "just please help me out, I do EVERYTHING, now you can mobilize, just help me a little". After that, I just had to accept that I had to be responsible.

It wasn't an easy life, but it was a disaster either. It was comfortable, but definitely wasn't easy. To get where we are now. I don't know how my mother does it. We're don't own millions, but one thing she says, "never show people how hard your life is". Because whatever that happens in your life is because of Allah s.w.t. All you can do is pray hard, work hard and hope that whatever comes to you, you just have to make the best out of it. And yet, I get to be a doctor, my brother is a geologist, another brother in UK completing engineering and my sister just finished SPM.

Even the time when my mother had lost every single cent that she owns, somehow me managed to pull through. I remember that time my brother was in college and he had gotten so thin. When my mother visited him, he said he hadn't eaten for a week and just drank tap water. *Okay, I can't hold my tears*
It was so hard at that time. I had to fork out my study allowance to support them. Some days I had to do extra business to get some pocket money. But even with that situation, I still can do things that I want. I was still able to travel, and shop and well, do whatever I wanted while I was in Moscow.

We never told how hard our lives was at that point of time. People see me travel, and having fun in Moscow, they think I wasn't helping my mother. They think me and my siblings were ignoring my mother and let her drown in her own problems. I know I can't help her much, all I can help was trying to make our family survive and what else would they expect us to do? We're a bunch of kids! And if I know my mother, I know she wouldn't use our money to solve her problems.

I don't want to tell the world how my life is. I know there are other people whose lives are harder than mine, but I just want to tell that we didn't had an easy life. Not like what other people portrays our lives.

From this situation, I learnt that the only way you can get out of your problems is if Allah s.w.t helps you and to get to the point where He helps you, is where you have to accept all the trouble and hardship. Not trying to get people's attention or blame someone else for the misery that you have.

Somehow at the time where we had no money. Literally NO MONEY, there were always somewhere, somehow, out of nowhere came the money. Somehow, Saddam still got to go to UK with MARA sponsorship, Lokman graduated, I graduated, and Nabilla finished high school. Well, what more can a mother ask for? Orang kata, rezeki.... Alhamdulillah.

Anyway, we're still surviving. My mother still has her business. Me and Lokman are already working now, so I think it should be easier for her.

And to those people, I hope they can see, that if we don't want to help them, we could have just ran away and live overseas. But we're still here, and I hope that they can be patient. I hope that they can see that the money is Allah's and not ours. If Allah s.w.t decide that the money should be taken away, who are we to argue?


For whatever misfit that happened in our lives, I am still grateful for this life Allah s.w.t gave to us, because without those misfit I don't think we could get closer to Him and to each other and I don't think we would know the people's true colour.

Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

Oh Mother, I don't know how you do it. I just wish I could be half of who you are.


Farisa said...

I do find your mummy as a superwoman too! I may not know her so much in person or know her story, but I believe this is what mothers do for her kids. She will never shed her tears in front of us to show that she is strong for us. No matter what kan Maimuna, I do hope we can all be as strong as our mums and do what she did for us to our kids later. Cause there are all the right things as we stood here today! Alhamdulillah to all His blessings to your family :)

Alif Fahme said...

She's a super mum,successfully raising her children,you are lucky to have her as your mum