Some days I wanna quit this dayjob of mine so bad and find something I really love doing and don't mind the stress. I want to find my passion and feel the happiness again.
I really miss my life in Moscow. It was hectic and sometimes stressful especially when you're dealing with the university or when the foreign students welfare is not met but somehow I had time to find the things I love doing. I could find time to actually read on things. Nowadays I can't even finish a single book. I can't even remember the last time I finished a novel. Can't even remember the last title of the book I "read".
I can't even remember the last time I opened the Quran, let alone reading the translation. I used to had so much time. So much time for myself.
Some days I feel severely depressed. I can't find my happiness in my job. I can't find the love in this job. But then, I don't know what else to do if I actually decide to quit this job.
I hate doing business. I don't know how to make money from my blog. I don't know how to do marketing. What else can I do?
Every day I chant to myself, I'm doing this for the sake of Allah. May He gives me happiness in this "so-called" noble job of mine. May he leads me to the right path. InsyaAllah, I'm sure everything will get better. I just have to believe in myself.
I don't know why I'm so depressed.
😞
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Showing posts with label random. Show all posts
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Saturday, May 9, 2015
New Place, New Life, and The Uncertainties.
I hate this feeling. The feeling of uncertainty. I hate going to new places.
I remember curling up on the floor the day after I received my SPM results and had to make decisions on where I am going. I remember thinking I hate growing up. I remember thinking I hate to cross that line, that uncertainty.
Nonetheless, as Ellice Grey would say it - the carousel never stop turning. I have to endure it anyway, and so far I have been surviving. Had a great time along the way too.
I have been posted to Hospital Enche Besar Hajjah Khalsom in Kluang, Johor. New place, new environment, new colleague. I hate the part where I am the only "junior" MO. I am alone. That's just the worst of all. I hope I won't get bullied. I hope my colleague are great. I just really hope the best for myself.
I am always alone somehow. I entered matriculation alone. I went to Russia alone. I entered Selayang Hospital alone. Alone as in no one I knew came with me. After my 2nd posting during housemanship, I practically entered every department alone. Sighh...
Yeah, you can say it's some sort a sad situation but I make a lot of friends a long the way. I really hope this time it will be the same.
Wish me luck as a medical MO. I am terrified out of my brain right now! *cries*
Friday, April 3, 2015
Have I Sinned?
Sometimes, I get flashbacks of my patients that has passed. Mostly I thought the ones that died because of my incompetence and carelessness in my judgement.
They said you're not a good doctor if you never killed anyone.
But have I sinned? Killing is a sin. Some days I wonder. If my incompentence and carelessness cause them death. Is it a sin?
It's bad thinking about it. Sometimes the guilt is just too overwhelming. Although most of the time they were unexpected. Like you never thought the outcome would be that way because patient was so well until you gave one medication that was supposed to be contraindicated.
I really feel sad for him. He and his wife waited for hours in the emergency department. If only the surgical team had reviewed him earlier. I don't want to blame anyone. Wished I had better judgement that day. It's already almost 6 months had pass since the incident yet I'm still having difficulties forgetting that moment. I felt guilty because they waited for hours in the emergency department and he ended up dead. I felt guilty for his wife that waited beside him. I just really felt guilty. He seemed so well when he came.
I am so sorry.
Dear Allah, I hope you forgive me.
Dear uncle and auntie and the rest of your family, I hope you forgive me too.
They said you're not a good doctor if you never killed anyone.
But have I sinned? Killing is a sin. Some days I wonder. If my incompentence and carelessness cause them death. Is it a sin?
It's bad thinking about it. Sometimes the guilt is just too overwhelming. Although most of the time they were unexpected. Like you never thought the outcome would be that way because patient was so well until you gave one medication that was supposed to be contraindicated.
I really feel sad for him. He and his wife waited for hours in the emergency department. If only the surgical team had reviewed him earlier. I don't want to blame anyone. Wished I had better judgement that day. It's already almost 6 months had pass since the incident yet I'm still having difficulties forgetting that moment. I felt guilty because they waited for hours in the emergency department and he ended up dead. I felt guilty for his wife that waited beside him. I just really felt guilty. He seemed so well when he came.
I am so sorry.
Dear Allah, I hope you forgive me.
Dear uncle and auntie and the rest of your family, I hope you forgive me too.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Leave A Little Sparkle Wherever You Go
"There's no reason to look back when you have so much to look forward to"
Spiderweb
Bersawang dah blog ni. I'm so sorry to my readers.
Currently in my last posting - Orthopaedics. Seriously can't believe it. Almost surviving my housemanship.
I hope I'll have time to make this blog as active as it used to be.
Too busy with my wedding. Too busy with my day job.
Trying to get my passion for blogging back.
Wanna travel again soon.
I went to Yellowcard concert last week. I think I'll update that soon.
Later.
When I have time.
Sigh. Time....
#prayformalaysia
Currently in my last posting - Orthopaedics. Seriously can't believe it. Almost surviving my housemanship.
I hope I'll have time to make this blog as active as it used to be.
Too busy with my wedding. Too busy with my day job.
Trying to get my passion for blogging back.
Wanna travel again soon.
I went to Yellowcard concert last week. I think I'll update that soon.
Later.
When I have time.
Sigh. Time....
#prayformalaysia
Friday, May 9, 2014
Daddy
Daddy always light up a smile whenever he sees us, whenever we're back home or visit him whenever he's in KL. He looks very happy when he meet us.
Always telling my mother that he misses us.
Kept asking me when Saddam is coming back from UK.
I wonder, how come he never had that look when we were younger, when we were around at home?
Sigh. I miss u too daddy but I wished u did things differently back then.
Always telling my mother that he misses us.
Kept asking me when Saddam is coming back from UK.
I wonder, how come he never had that look when we were younger, when we were around at home?
Sigh. I miss u too daddy but I wished u did things differently back then.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Neither Rich, Neither Poor, But It Wasn't Easy.
It is wrong to show happiness? Is it wrong to share that happiness?
I don't know what other people are going through, but let me tell you how it was for me growing up.
My mother was an independent woman. I mean seriously, a super woman. She does everything and I mean EVERYTHING. She works, she cooks, she sends me and my siblings to school/tuition classes/islamic classes/ballet classes/football/etc (you name it), she does the groceries, pay the bills, pay the house, just literally EVERYTHING.
My dad? He appears once in a while in the picture and I don't want to go into that.
Anyway, growing up especially during primary school I used to hate my mother. I love her, but sometimes I was just so angry at her. Angry at how she was working all the time and I was craving for the attention. When I was in Secondary school, I saw my sister was going through the same thing, but if I see it differently, she spends more time with us than any working mother could have ever done. I mean, how can you be working and send your children to school at the same time? Then send us again to where ever we wanted to go. Even to malls on weekend!
I hated the day I had my driving licence. It just means, I can go anywhere I want by myself now. Mean, I'll have less time with mother. Sometimes the only time we had was in the car when she's sending me somewhere. Until she had to say, "just please help me out, I do EVERYTHING, now you can mobilize, just help me a little". After that, I just had to accept that I had to be responsible.
It wasn't an easy life, but it was a disaster either. It was comfortable, but definitely wasn't easy. To get where we are now. I don't know how my mother does it. We're don't own millions, but one thing she says, "never show people how hard your life is". Because whatever that happens in your life is because of Allah s.w.t. All you can do is pray hard, work hard and hope that whatever comes to you, you just have to make the best out of it. And yet, I get to be a doctor, my brother is a geologist, another brother in UK completing engineering and my sister just finished SPM.
Even the time when my mother had lost every single cent that she owns, somehow me managed to pull through. I remember that time my brother was in college and he had gotten so thin. When my mother visited him, he said he hadn't eaten for a week and just drank tap water. *Okay, I can't hold my tears*
It was so hard at that time. I had to fork out my study allowance to support them. Some days I had to do extra business to get some pocket money. But even with that situation, I still can do things that I want. I was still able to travel, and shop and well, do whatever I wanted while I was in Moscow.
We never told how hard our lives was at that point of time. People see me travel, and having fun in Moscow, they think I wasn't helping my mother. They think me and my siblings were ignoring my mother and let her drown in her own problems. I know I can't help her much, all I can help was trying to make our family survive and what else would they expect us to do? We're a bunch of kids! And if I know my mother, I know she wouldn't use our money to solve her problems.
I don't want to tell the world how my life is. I know there are other people whose lives are harder than mine, but I just want to tell that we didn't had an easy life. Not like what other people portrays our lives.
From this situation, I learnt that the only way you can get out of your problems is if Allah s.w.t helps you and to get to the point where He helps you, is where you have to accept all the trouble and hardship. Not trying to get people's attention or blame someone else for the misery that you have.
Somehow at the time where we had no money. Literally NO MONEY, there were always somewhere, somehow, out of nowhere came the money. Somehow, Saddam still got to go to UK with MARA sponsorship, Lokman graduated, I graduated, and Nabilla finished high school. Well, what more can a mother ask for? Orang kata, rezeki.... Alhamdulillah.
Anyway, we're still surviving. My mother still has her business. Me and Lokman are already working now, so I think it should be easier for her.
And to those people, I hope they can see, that if we don't want to help them, we could have just ran away and live overseas. But we're still here, and I hope that they can be patient. I hope that they can see that the money is Allah's and not ours. If Allah s.w.t decide that the money should be taken away, who are we to argue?
Wallahualam.
For whatever misfit that happened in our lives, I am still grateful for this life Allah s.w.t gave to us, because without those misfit I don't think we could get closer to Him and to each other and I don't think we would know the people's true colour.
Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.
I don't know what other people are going through, but let me tell you how it was for me growing up.
My mother was an independent woman. I mean seriously, a super woman. She does everything and I mean EVERYTHING. She works, she cooks, she sends me and my siblings to school/tuition classes/islamic classes/ballet classes/football/etc (you name it), she does the groceries, pay the bills, pay the house, just literally EVERYTHING.
My dad? He appears once in a while in the picture and I don't want to go into that.
Anyway, growing up especially during primary school I used to hate my mother. I love her, but sometimes I was just so angry at her. Angry at how she was working all the time and I was craving for the attention. When I was in Secondary school, I saw my sister was going through the same thing, but if I see it differently, she spends more time with us than any working mother could have ever done. I mean, how can you be working and send your children to school at the same time? Then send us again to where ever we wanted to go. Even to malls on weekend!
I hated the day I had my driving licence. It just means, I can go anywhere I want by myself now. Mean, I'll have less time with mother. Sometimes the only time we had was in the car when she's sending me somewhere. Until she had to say, "just please help me out, I do EVERYTHING, now you can mobilize, just help me a little". After that, I just had to accept that I had to be responsible.
It wasn't an easy life, but it was a disaster either. It was comfortable, but definitely wasn't easy. To get where we are now. I don't know how my mother does it. We're don't own millions, but one thing she says, "never show people how hard your life is". Because whatever that happens in your life is because of Allah s.w.t. All you can do is pray hard, work hard and hope that whatever comes to you, you just have to make the best out of it. And yet, I get to be a doctor, my brother is a geologist, another brother in UK completing engineering and my sister just finished SPM.
Even the time when my mother had lost every single cent that she owns, somehow me managed to pull through. I remember that time my brother was in college and he had gotten so thin. When my mother visited him, he said he hadn't eaten for a week and just drank tap water. *Okay, I can't hold my tears*
It was so hard at that time. I had to fork out my study allowance to support them. Some days I had to do extra business to get some pocket money. But even with that situation, I still can do things that I want. I was still able to travel, and shop and well, do whatever I wanted while I was in Moscow.
We never told how hard our lives was at that point of time. People see me travel, and having fun in Moscow, they think I wasn't helping my mother. They think me and my siblings were ignoring my mother and let her drown in her own problems. I know I can't help her much, all I can help was trying to make our family survive and what else would they expect us to do? We're a bunch of kids! And if I know my mother, I know she wouldn't use our money to solve her problems.
I don't want to tell the world how my life is. I know there are other people whose lives are harder than mine, but I just want to tell that we didn't had an easy life. Not like what other people portrays our lives.
From this situation, I learnt that the only way you can get out of your problems is if Allah s.w.t helps you and to get to the point where He helps you, is where you have to accept all the trouble and hardship. Not trying to get people's attention or blame someone else for the misery that you have.
Somehow at the time where we had no money. Literally NO MONEY, there were always somewhere, somehow, out of nowhere came the money. Somehow, Saddam still got to go to UK with MARA sponsorship, Lokman graduated, I graduated, and Nabilla finished high school. Well, what more can a mother ask for? Orang kata, rezeki.... Alhamdulillah.
Anyway, we're still surviving. My mother still has her business. Me and Lokman are already working now, so I think it should be easier for her.
And to those people, I hope they can see, that if we don't want to help them, we could have just ran away and live overseas. But we're still here, and I hope that they can be patient. I hope that they can see that the money is Allah's and not ours. If Allah s.w.t decide that the money should be taken away, who are we to argue?
Wallahualam.
For whatever misfit that happened in our lives, I am still grateful for this life Allah s.w.t gave to us, because without those misfit I don't think we could get closer to Him and to each other and I don't think we would know the people's true colour.
Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Doctor, please help me.
What do you do when your patient in labour keeps complaining that she's in pain? When the husband keep finding you every half an hour to tell you that his wife is in pain.
Painkillers given by the way.
What do you do? What do you do?
What do people back in the old days do when there's no painkillers? No labour inducer? No C-Section?
"Doctor, help me, it's so painful"
And me "Madam, it's normal. You're giving birth. It's supposed to be painful. My vaginal examination won't make your opening open any faster."
I tell you. Giving birth is scary.
Friday, May 31, 2013
Looking for a place to rent?
Anyone looking for a place to rent near Hospital Selayang?
A colleague of mine is looking for a housemate.
Criteria:
Female, preferably will be or is working in Hospital Selayang.
I can't remember the exact Taman she's staying, but it's a terrace house with 3 bedrooms. RM300/person.
If interested, please contact me. :)
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Extension, is it a bad thing?
I got a threat from my specialist that I might get extended..
Shit...
Lets just hope he was kidding.
Shit...
Lets just hope he was kidding.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Where is my heart?
I'm struggling to find back my passion towards medicine. I used to love it so much. I mean, I still love medicine, but when I am back from work, all I can about is sleep. Even when I am at work, all I can think about is sleep. I WANT SLEEP.
I am lacking in so many things. My supervisors don't think I'm improving. I don't know if I still have that confidence or strength to go on. I don't let my parents know about it, though.
I still wake up at 5 a.m, to be at work by 6 a.m. At times I get to work by 7 a.m because I overslept and I won't have time to review all my patients by 8.30 am, and I get scolded for not knowing my patient's progress or when I forgot to fill in their latest blood results or when I mixed up my patients. And they say "potong 1 jam gaji" because I woke up late. And they'll say "You know, during my time as a houseman I took care of 28 patients!" I understand that, and I am severely impressed by how they did it! Anyway, I never went back on time. I always end up staying 1 or 2 hours later anyway but I won't get that extra pay. They should know right? Even they don't always go back on time either.
By the time I got back, I never open my books. I don't have the mood, because all I want is SLEEP. My precious precious sleep. I want 12 hours of sleep.
The cycle goes on, and I get scolded for not knowing the pathology of a disease or the aetiology or the common symptoms. I get scolded because I never revised at home. Yes, 7 years of med school and I still can't remember what bacterias cause Pneumonia. heh. 5 months of holiday, I didn't even open any books. So, yeah.
I just don't know what will happen. Everyone said it'll get better, but will it really? With my current situation, no one says I'm improving, and I don't even have that feeling where I want to prove them wrong.....
Anyway, apart from my depression. We found the perfect engagement ring for me! Finally!!! Although, we have to order a new size which will take a month. My fingers are too small.. The ring is very simple, so don't expect anything fancy. heee.. =)
I am lacking in so many things. My supervisors don't think I'm improving. I don't know if I still have that confidence or strength to go on. I don't let my parents know about it, though.
I still wake up at 5 a.m, to be at work by 6 a.m. At times I get to work by 7 a.m because I overslept and I won't have time to review all my patients by 8.30 am, and I get scolded for not knowing my patient's progress or when I forgot to fill in their latest blood results or when I mixed up my patients. And they say "potong 1 jam gaji" because I woke up late. And they'll say "You know, during my time as a houseman I took care of 28 patients!" I understand that, and I am severely impressed by how they did it! Anyway, I never went back on time. I always end up staying 1 or 2 hours later anyway but I won't get that extra pay. They should know right? Even they don't always go back on time either.
By the time I got back, I never open my books. I don't have the mood, because all I want is SLEEP. My precious precious sleep. I want 12 hours of sleep.
The cycle goes on, and I get scolded for not knowing the pathology of a disease or the aetiology or the common symptoms. I get scolded because I never revised at home. Yes, 7 years of med school and I still can't remember what bacterias cause Pneumonia. heh. 5 months of holiday, I didn't even open any books. So, yeah.
I just don't know what will happen. Everyone said it'll get better, but will it really? With my current situation, no one says I'm improving, and I don't even have that feeling where I want to prove them wrong.....
Anyway, apart from my depression. We found the perfect engagement ring for me! Finally!!! Although, we have to order a new size which will take a month. My fingers are too small.. The ring is very simple, so don't expect anything fancy. heee.. =)
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
It's been a while
Has it now?
Today marks the day I enter work for the 30th day. A month. Can't say I'm not improving, but I'm still very slow.
I know I have been neglecting my blog. But everyday, I get home, and all I wanna do is facebook and sleep. Some nights when I have the energy, I'd study. For a bout 1/2 hour before I decide to sleep. huhu..
I'll update soon (I hope). Especially about my birthday.
Till then peeps! <3 p="">
Oh! btw, getting engage in April. Date all set! Just wait for more updates! ^_^
Today marks the day I enter work for the 30th day. A month. Can't say I'm not improving, but I'm still very slow.
I know I have been neglecting my blog. But everyday, I get home, and all I wanna do is facebook and sleep. Some nights when I have the energy, I'd study. For a bout 1/2 hour before I decide to sleep. huhu..
I'll update soon (I hope). Especially about my birthday.
Till then peeps! <3 p="">
Oh! btw, getting engage in April. Date all set! Just wait for more updates! ^_^
Friday, September 21, 2012
How do I do this?
I don't tend to ignore a person, but every time I get friendly, boys tend to get the wrong idea.
Every time we talk, I'd tell him about my boyfriend, and I can see that he doesn't like hearing about it, but he must've known I'm not giving any positive feedback to him.
I don't understand why he's still trying. I told him not to call me 'dear' or 'love'. I've ignored him multiple times. I didn't even give him my phone number, even when he gave me mine. I've gave multiple reasons not to meet him.
I can't stand how he's always telling me how sweet I am, how cute I am, how pretty I am. Oh, it's so not me! I know I'm not sweet. I might have a sweet smile though. And I'm not THAT pretty. It's so annoying when guys try to get your attention by telling you how beautiful your physical is without truly actually knowing you. But I don't want him to know me. I just don't want to get near him.
I know guys won't be friend with girls if they don't have a slightest hope that the girl will be theirs. Unless he's a childhood friend who considers the relationship like brother and sister.
Some guys are charming, and that's a talent. I like guys who don't show that he likes the girl. That doesn't make it too obvious. Who just sneaks in and steal my heart. I think you all know who that is. ;)
But oh my God! This guy is not giving up!!! Until one time I actually had to set "appear offline" to this guy because I just don't have time to chat about silly, empty things. If it's not important, don't buzz me, don't say 'hi', don't ask me what I am doing currently. It's none of your importance. Even my own boyfriend doesn't buzz me or call me every single day. I like that space.
I just hope he's like all the other guys that tried to hit on me. I just hope it's just a phase and they'll move on and ignore me. It's not like I don't like the attention. I love it, I love to know that I still have a price in the 'market', but right now the only attention I'm craving from is my boyfriend.
I really don't know how to say 'no' to him without breaking his heart. Because breaking a guy's heart has too many consequences. Even though it's not even my fault. Who the hell asked him to play with fire or to let himself drown in something that won't even be possible? He told me he's not hitting on me, but he's just trying to get to know me better. Yeah, right. Why do you want to know me better? hrmmm...
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Back in Kuantan
Just got back from Europe.. and my ankles are killing me! I hadn't walked that much since I came back in July..
Anyway, will post up the stuffs soon... or maybe later.. When I have the time. ;-p
bB's coming tomorrow (I hope he's not lying), and 2 of my schoolmates' wedding on Saturday, then I'm off to KL to register for work.
I can't seem to stick to 1 place! I AM SO EXHAUSTED. Hope I won't fall sick or anything. I seriously need a rest but I don't think I'll get it anytime soon. >_<
Later peeps.
Anyway, will post up the stuffs soon... or maybe later.. When I have the time. ;-p
bB's coming tomorrow (I hope he's not lying), and 2 of my schoolmates' wedding on Saturday, then I'm off to KL to register for work.
I can't seem to stick to 1 place! I AM SO EXHAUSTED. Hope I won't fall sick or anything. I seriously need a rest but I don't think I'll get it anytime soon. >_<
Later peeps.
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Too Many Things Happening At Once!
I haven't gotten enough sleep for the past 3 days. Trying to settle stuffs before the graduation. Had to give back all my books to the library, had to pay extension fees of the hostel, had to go up and down the university to get stamps so I can get my degree certificate on graduation day. I have to clean my room for the arrival of my mother and I have to pack stuffs for cargo! argh! I'm so tired!
I had so many unpublished posts. My Kazan Trip posts is 1/4 done. I still can't find time to watermark the pictures. I wanted to write about the time I went to LINKIN PARK concert earlier this month which is my MOST AWESOME CONCERT EXPERIENCE, and it would be left in vain if I don't write about it.
Anyway, my mom and aunt is arriving tomorrow. Please pray for their safe journey and arrival.
I had so many unpublished posts. My Kazan Trip posts is 1/4 done. I still can't find time to watermark the pictures. I wanted to write about the time I went to LINKIN PARK concert earlier this month which is my MOST AWESOME CONCERT EXPERIENCE, and it would be left in vain if I don't write about it.
Anyway, my mom and aunt is arriving tomorrow. Please pray for their safe journey and arrival.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Wanderlust
Oh how I miss travelling.
I miss Paris.
I miss Amsterdam.
I miss Madrid.
I miss Venice.
I miss Lisbon.
I miss Hong Kong.
My feet is itching to go somewhere, even though I just came back from Kazan (which I will update soon, once I'll get the pictures from my peeps). If only travelling doesn't consume all the money that I have.
Me and Za were planning to go to Brussels and Amsterdam last month, the budget wasn't that expensive. About RM2k for 1 week, but we had to use the money for other things, mostly graduation stuffs. So we just had to cancel and hop on Kazan trip instead. So sad. ='(
At the same time, I am missing home a little. I am missing Moscow as well. The thought of leaving here, just left me with such mixed feelings. As much as I hate Moscow, I am in love with Moscow. She's my 2nd home for 7 years.
Exam's in a week. The nerves are starting to get on me, but I can't pass the first page of my case questions. Hope all goes well. ^_^
I miss Paris.
I miss Amsterdam.
I miss Madrid.
I miss Venice.
I miss Lisbon.
I miss Hong Kong.
My feet is itching to go somewhere, even though I just came back from Kazan (which I will update soon, once I'll get the pictures from my peeps). If only travelling doesn't consume all the money that I have.
Me and Za were planning to go to Brussels and Amsterdam last month, the budget wasn't that expensive. About RM2k for 1 week, but we had to use the money for other things, mostly graduation stuffs. So we just had to cancel and hop on Kazan trip instead. So sad. ='(
At the same time, I am missing home a little. I am missing Moscow as well. The thought of leaving here, just left me with such mixed feelings. As much as I hate Moscow, I am in love with Moscow. She's my 2nd home for 7 years.
Exam's in a week. The nerves are starting to get on me, but I can't pass the first page of my case questions. Hope all goes well. ^_^
Where to next? =P
Exams, graduation, and then we'll think about that, eyh?
Exams, graduation, and then we'll think about that, eyh?
Friday, June 1, 2012
Narcissist in Me
Me: Lepas letak profile picture kat FB, gambar takde kepala kurang sket laki2 tak dikenali hantar friend requests dengan message "hie cantik". Aman sket hidup.
bB: Perasan giler.
Me: betul lah!
>_<"
bB: Perasan giler.
Me: betul lah!
>_<"
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Hidayah, Rezeki dan Jodoh
Hidayah, rezeki dan jodoh. Ketiga-tiga perkara ni semuanya terletak di dalam tangan Allah swt. Semuanya bergantung kepada Allah swt.
Tapi kalau kita tak mencarinya, adakah kita akan jumpa hidayah kita? rezeki kita? jodoh kita?
Ada satu "quote" jumpa kat tumblr, facebook, blog-blog yang kata:
Allah akan ketemukan hidayah, rezeki dan jodoh kita, kalau kita betul-betul berserah kepada ketentuan Allah swt dan pada masa yang sama usaha mencarinya. Kerana ketentuan Allah swt perlukan usaha. Bukan semua benda akan jatuh ke riba.
Kalau lah jodoh tu betul di tangan Allah. Kenapa ada sahaja mereka yang tidak berkahwin? Betulkah ayat mereka kerana "tiada jodoh" atau disebabkan mereka memang tidak mahu berkahwin dan tidak mahu mencari pasangan. Ramai sahaja yang kata mahu ada suami/isteri tapi hanya bergantung kepada kata-kata dan doa kepada Allah tetapi pada masa yang sama tiada usaha untuk mencari. Adakah itu salah Allah swt?
Daripada pengalaman, saya dapati mereka yang tidak berkahwin, majoritinya memang kerana mereka tidak mahu berkahwin. Jadi, bagi saya, sebahagian kecil keputusan yang ditetapkan di dunia ini untuk kita, terletak di tangan kita juga. Allah swt hanya membimbing supaya kita dapat membuat keputusan yang terbaik untuk diri kita dan juga diredhai oleh Allah swt.
Saya baru habis tonton bual-bicara oleh Yasmin Mogahed tentang Cinta, Perkahwinan, Memilih pasangan hidup. Dia mengatakan bahawa perkahwinan itu adalah kenderaan untuk kita ke syurga. Jadi hidayah juga boleh dijumpa melalui perkahwinan, tidak? Jadi tidak kah perlu kita mencari jodoh itu juga?
Wallahualam.
Kalau ada yang tidak setuju, saya terima kritism dan komen-komen kalian semua dengan hati yang terbuka. InsyaAllah. ;)
*Please watch the video on Love, Marriage Selecting Your Life Partner by Yasmin Mogahed. It is very heart-enlightening. =)
Tapi kalau kita tak mencarinya, adakah kita akan jumpa hidayah kita? rezeki kita? jodoh kita?
Ada satu "quote" jumpa kat tumblr, facebook, blog-blog yang kata:
"Bila bercakap soal jodoh, ramai memilih untuk berusaha keras mencari walaupun sedar hakikat jodoh sudah ditentukan. Tapi bila bercakap soal hidayah, ramai pula memilih untuk menunggu biarpun sedar hakikat hidayah itu perlu dicari, bukannya jatuh ke riba."Saya rasa ayat di atas sedikit "misleading". Saya rasa bukan setakat hidayah yang kita perlu berusaha keras mencari, rezeki juga perlukan usaha keras dan jodoh itu termasuk dalam rezeki, bukan? Rezeki yang halal ye.
Allah akan ketemukan hidayah, rezeki dan jodoh kita, kalau kita betul-betul berserah kepada ketentuan Allah swt dan pada masa yang sama usaha mencarinya. Kerana ketentuan Allah swt perlukan usaha. Bukan semua benda akan jatuh ke riba.
Kalau lah jodoh tu betul di tangan Allah. Kenapa ada sahaja mereka yang tidak berkahwin? Betulkah ayat mereka kerana "tiada jodoh" atau disebabkan mereka memang tidak mahu berkahwin dan tidak mahu mencari pasangan. Ramai sahaja yang kata mahu ada suami/isteri tapi hanya bergantung kepada kata-kata dan doa kepada Allah tetapi pada masa yang sama tiada usaha untuk mencari. Adakah itu salah Allah swt?
Daripada pengalaman, saya dapati mereka yang tidak berkahwin, majoritinya memang kerana mereka tidak mahu berkahwin. Jadi, bagi saya, sebahagian kecil keputusan yang ditetapkan di dunia ini untuk kita, terletak di tangan kita juga. Allah swt hanya membimbing supaya kita dapat membuat keputusan yang terbaik untuk diri kita dan juga diredhai oleh Allah swt.
Saya baru habis tonton bual-bicara oleh Yasmin Mogahed tentang Cinta, Perkahwinan, Memilih pasangan hidup. Dia mengatakan bahawa perkahwinan itu adalah kenderaan untuk kita ke syurga. Jadi hidayah juga boleh dijumpa melalui perkahwinan, tidak? Jadi tidak kah perlu kita mencari jodoh itu juga?
Wallahualam.
Kalau ada yang tidak setuju, saya terima kritism dan komen-komen kalian semua dengan hati yang terbuka. InsyaAllah. ;)
*Please watch the video on Love, Marriage Selecting Your Life Partner by Yasmin Mogahed. It is very heart-enlightening. =)
Saturday, May 26, 2012
If Only We Know the Future
Do I care if I'll never get married?
I wonder if it'll be lonely.
Will the loneliness be unbearable?
Or will my love for Allah swt soar?
Don't get me wrong. It's not that I don't want to get married. I do. It's not that I don't love my bB. I do. But everytime a thought came to me saying that I am ready, another thought will come by and say WE'RE not ready. Or perhaps it's him? He says it's me. I am certain it's him.
I'm searching for so many answers right now. So many questions in my head. I'm searching where my heart truly belongs. Some days I am so confused. I know the answers, and yet I have conflicting thoughts.
Don't worry. There's no other guy. Or girl.
I am just searching for my heart.
Don't worry. There's no other guy. Or girl.
I am just searching for my heart.
Is it love or is it lust? Or is it just loneliness?
Forgive my rambles. It is just one of those nights.
Have a lovely weekend, everyone.
Have a lovely weekend, everyone.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Latest addiction
I feel like writing in Malay today. So to my international readers (if there's any), I'm sorry. I don't feel like writing anything formal today. huuu..
Cuti 4 hari memang tak productive langsung. 1 hari je keluar, 3 hari lagi duduk bilik, ternak lemak. Aha! Nak gi jogging pun malas k! Sebab 3 hari straight dah hujan. Pastu, bila masuk pukul 5 petang je kene tunggu cik abang saya message "call me".
Last week busy sangat! Tak tau berapa kali terpaksa lepaskan "call me" dia. 4 hari lepas election day, tapi result tak keluar lagi. Haih, tak sabarnye nak letak jawatan. Penat dah setahun jadi ahli student body ni. Ingatkan jadi vice treasurer senang je. Padahal susah kot! Kene buat funding, kene buat budget planning untuk every event, etc, etc. Ni pun makin nak habis term, makin banyak pulak kerja. Projector yang order pun tak sampai2 lagi.. Mr. President asyik dok calling2 tanya bila projector nak sampai. Huwaaa.. Tu lah, buat kerja last minute lagi. T_T
So 4 hari cuti buat ape eh?
Tetiba tengah addicted dengan 2NE1. Memang dah lama da kenal, sejak keluar lagu Lollipop dulu, tapi tak pernah pay attention. Pastu haritu masa BigBang baru2 keluar album ALIVE diorang, tengok2 kat Youtube, pastu kat suggested links to ada la 2NE1tv featured BigBang. Pastu terlekat kat 2NE1tv tengok full Season 2 & Season 3 tau! wahhh! Bangun2 pagi je mesti on laptop, first click Youtube 2NE1tv! Hukk..
Pastu dalam 2NE1tv tu kan diorang featured lagu2 famous diorang sekali. Wahh.. best la pulak lagu2 diorang ni! Dah la diorang ni semua comel. Bak kata Dara "If 2NE1 members were 1 person, she'll be the most colourful person ever!" I agree! They're so cute!!! >.<
Ni lagu paling favourite. Album lama, tapi sebab baru dengar. Haha! :-P
Cuti 4 hari memang tak productive langsung. 1 hari je keluar, 3 hari lagi duduk bilik, ternak lemak. Aha! Nak gi jogging pun malas k! Sebab 3 hari straight dah hujan. Pastu, bila masuk pukul 5 petang je kene tunggu cik abang saya message "call me".
Last week busy sangat! Tak tau berapa kali terpaksa lepaskan "call me" dia. 4 hari lepas election day, tapi result tak keluar lagi. Haih, tak sabarnye nak letak jawatan. Penat dah setahun jadi ahli student body ni. Ingatkan jadi vice treasurer senang je. Padahal susah kot! Kene buat funding, kene buat budget planning untuk every event, etc, etc. Ni pun makin nak habis term, makin banyak pulak kerja. Projector yang order pun tak sampai2 lagi.. Mr. President asyik dok calling2 tanya bila projector nak sampai. Huwaaa.. Tu lah, buat kerja last minute lagi. T_T
So 4 hari cuti buat ape eh?
Tetiba tengah addicted dengan 2NE1. Memang dah lama da kenal, sejak keluar lagu Lollipop dulu, tapi tak pernah pay attention. Pastu haritu masa BigBang baru2 keluar album ALIVE diorang, tengok2 kat Youtube, pastu kat suggested links to ada la 2NE1tv featured BigBang. Pastu terlekat kat 2NE1tv tengok full Season 2 & Season 3 tau! wahhh! Bangun2 pagi je mesti on laptop, first click Youtube 2NE1tv! Hukk..
Pastu dalam 2NE1tv tu kan diorang featured lagu2 famous diorang sekali. Wahh.. best la pulak lagu2 diorang ni! Dah la diorang ni semua comel. Bak kata Dara "If 2NE1 members were 1 person, she'll be the most colourful person ever!" I agree! They're so cute!!! >.<
Ni lagu paling favourite. Album lama, tapi sebab baru dengar. Haha! :-P
Rasanya ni first time tulis dalam BM. Tu pun bukannya fully BM pun. Haih. This is so unlike me. Oh well.
I don't care eh eh eh eh eh..
I don't care eh eh eh eh eh..
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