Showing posts with label panic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label panic. Show all posts

Saturday, May 9, 2015

New Place, New Life, and The Uncertainties.

I hate this feeling. The feeling of uncertainty. I hate going to new places. 

I remember curling up on the floor the day after I received my SPM results and had to make decisions on where I am going. I remember thinking I hate growing up. I remember thinking I hate to cross that line, that uncertainty.

Nonetheless, as Ellice Grey would say it - the carousel never stop turning. I have to endure it anyway, and so far I have been surviving. Had a great time along the way too.

I have been posted to Hospital Enche Besar Hajjah Khalsom in Kluang, Johor. New place, new environment, new colleague. I hate the part where I am the only "junior" MO. I am alone. That's just the worst of all. I hope I won't get bullied. I hope my colleague are great. I just really hope the best for myself. 

I am always alone somehow. I entered matriculation alone. I went to Russia alone. I entered Selayang Hospital alone. Alone as in no one I knew came with me. After my 2nd posting during housemanship, I practically entered every department alone. Sighh...

Yeah, you can say it's some sort a sad situation but I make a lot of friends a long the way. I really hope this time it will be the same. 


Wish me luck as a medical MO. I am terrified out of my brain right now! *cries*

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Wake Up Call!

Oh God! The letter finally arrived. After 4 months of a looooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggg holiday, I'm finally going to start working!

I'll know which hospital I'll be posted to on the first day of Induction, which is on the 11th of December according to the letter.

This means, I have less than a week left to do and prepare whatever I need and want before going to Kajang!

Suddenly I feel like I'm not so ready to work. But life has to move on, I can't live off my parents for the rest of my life and what a waste of my medical degree.. haha..

Anyway, WISH ME THE BEST OF LUCK, will you? =S


Dr. Maimuna reporting for duty


Monday, June 18, 2012

Nothing Left to Lose


Last final paper tomorrow! Last final battle in med school!

Nothing left to choose, nothing left to lose! 


Wish me luck peeps!
May Allah swt help with with ease tomorrow... Amin...



OK... start panicking!!!! :S

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Delusional in Me


I keep telling myself it's the distance, it's just in my head. How do I tell the person about things that I shouldn't have find out. I want my trust not to be broken and I want to be the person who can be trusted. I keep reminding myself, we are just merely humans. Maybe it's just a mistake. I hope it is nothing more than just a mistake. A mistake waiting to happen, and I don't know how to stop it. I don't want a broken promise, or a broken heart.

Is there space for mistakes, now? Sigh. I wish I wasn't so curious. True, that they say curiosity killed the cat.

If you're wondering, it's not me I'm worried about.

Since February my mind has been drifting back and forth about this. Although it's not constant, but how can I be sure? And though the person acted trustworthy, can I put all my trust in this person?

Note to self: Yang pergi menggatal bukak malam before exam tu kenapa? kan daaahhhhhhhh... PADAN MUKA!! T_T

Arghhhhhhh!!! WHERE'S YOUR FOCUS, ANNA?!! TOMORROW'S EXAM!!! 
MY FINALS OF ALL FINALS STARTS TOMORROW. Wish me luck will you? =S

Monday, January 23, 2012

Keep Calm and....


HUWAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I'M CURRENTLY, OFFICIALLY PANICKING!!!! MY HEART CAN'T STAY CALM AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!

EXAM'S IN LESS THAN 36 HOURS AND I FEEL LIKE I KNOW SHIT NOTHING! THE LAST TIME I FELT LIKE THIS WAS DURING MY OPERATIVE SURGERY EXAM!!!

AND TO MAKE MATTER WORSE, I HAVE A PLANE TO MADRID TO CATCH AT 6.50PM!!!! means I HAVE TO BE AT THE AIRPORT BY 5.30 PM. And I have no idea what time my exam will finish. It's an oral exam. So whoever goes first, finishes first. I could go in early. yes. IF I PASSED THE BLOODY MCQ QUESTIONS!!!!

It takes 1 hour 15 minutes from the hospital to the hostel, and 1 hour 40 minutes from the hostel to the airport. Means, I have to leave the hospital at 2PM if I want to reach the airport at 5PM.

arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I'M SO PANICKING RIGHT NOW!!!

Please pray I'll pass my exams. Please pray I'll be at the airport by 5pm! I'M SO WORRIED... I want to cry... T_____________T

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Tick Tock

MY EXAM'S TOMORROW!!!


Ya Allah, please don't let this happen to me tomorrow. 
May you ease all my concerns. Amin.

Wish me luck!!! >.<

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Dear Allah,

My father just had a mild stroke. (according to my mom)

I'm super sad about it. I called my mom just now, she gave the phone to him. it was devastating to hear him trying to talk.

Please pray for his recovery.

"Dear Allah, I love my father and I want him to be healthy. Amin.. "

Monday, May 23, 2011

Lifeless

I'm dead tired! My exams will start on the 2nd of June and my last class is on the 27th May.

Shit giler. Memang takde cuti, 4 hari utk study! Rasa macam nak skip exam pun ada, tapi taknak repeat paper. Fail pun taknak jugak. Haish.. pening kepala. Memang takde mood langsung. Nak study pon takde mood. Pastu ada government exam plak! Yang tu memang nak skip pon tak boleh lah, kalau fail kene repeat year teros! adoi! T.T LAST SEM pun 4 paper, rasa macam nak bunuh diri dah. THIS SEM, lagi 4 paper. Seriously, rasa macam nak start terus cuti. DAH MALAS!

I have all my holiday-to-do-list planned out. Seriously, I don't know if we have any time at all to do all of them. I really hope we do.

bB's graduating, and I have another year to go before I've become DR. MAIMUNA MOHAMED AMIN. erkkk! >.<" 7 years being here, and still we haven't seen the whole city. NEVER TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. We always say, next year ada lagi. TUP TAP, damn, dah final year dah!!

I have so many things I wanted to post! I have so many things to write, about MASSAD (MALAYSIAN STUDENTS ANNUAL DINNER), about the freeze on medical courses in Malaysia, about bB's birthday. BUT I DON'T HAVE TIME!!! T.T

oh. Just wish me luck people! I really do hope 4 days is enough for me to study for my INTERNAL DISEASE EXAMS. [eventhough we all know, there's never enough time to study for exams]. Just pray I'll pass everything.

HAPPY SUMMER PEOPLE!!! ^.^

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Kerana Nila Setitik Rosak Susu Sebelanga

Last week Malaysian students studying medicine in Russia been hit by a hate wave by Malaysians when Berita Harian published it's front page about how incompetent overseas medical graduates are, especially those from graduated from Russia.

This news is not new though. I've been hitting with glares and cringes when asked, from which university, and I answered "Russia" since I did my practicals in the government hospital during my 2nd year and 3rd year summer break. But it has never been published to the whole nation before, it has been kept within the medical community for more than 6 years.

I think some HOs made an MO damn pissed off, therefor, he made a decision to published it in local newspaper so that the whole world would know about it. Stupid mistake I'd say. He/She made the whole nation afraid of going to the hospitals. As if we don't have that problem already.

Every year, there are more and more students coming in to study medicine here. The question is - Who approved them? Who approved their NOCs? Who approved those agents?. Why is the government keep sending students here? We're just trying to live our dreams and/or our parents dreams to become a doctor. Why are we getting all the blame? Why isn't the government getting these blames as well?

On the paper, they said, the russian graduates don't even know basic skills like how to measure BP, pulse and place the stethoscope on the chest. Really? I've been learning those since I was in 3rd year. If most of us don't know how, why are most russian graduates survived their housemanship and already became MOs and specialists? Yes, I admit we are lacking in practical skills. Even now, I still have trouble taking blood and I don't know how to put an IV line. Because for Russian students, they learn theoretical stuffs for 6 years and 1 year for their practicals only. As for foreigners, we study for 6 years minus the 1 year of practical training and can only learn them when we are doing our housemanship. So please forgive us for our lack of practical ability, but to say that we cause the increase of death, isn't that a little over-exaggerated? HOs can't cause death, because if we do, our licences will be annulled because we're still on probations.

And we are learning everything in Russian language, with russian classifications. So it'll take some time to know the shortforms in the patients history in local hospitals or the terms from the English textbooks. Life is about learning, and learning is never ending.

But to say that we never learn anything here is way out of line. I read, a parent complaining, according to his son that we don't learn anything here, that the lecturers won't let us see patients and they refused to teach in English because they're so proud of their language. Please realise where you are dear sir. You are not in England or Canada or Australia or US. I went to Beijing and NO ONE knew English too. Plus Russia isn't really a tourist centre, so you can't blame them for not knowing English and what is wrong with being proud with your language? And I do get to see patients. How do you expect me to write my patient's case report if I can't see the patient? He even said that Russia's medicine is 10 years behind. erm.. As far as I know, Russian medicine has existed way before Hang Tuah was born. Learn their history, do your research before making assumptions.

I hope to be a good doctor if not great. I still have so much to learn, but please don't judge me just because of where I've been. If my seniors can do it, why can't I, right? =)

Saturday, January 22, 2011

panic attack!


HELP! HELP! HELP! I'M HAVING A MAJOR PANIC ATTACK! TOMORROW'S EXAM AND THIS IS THE MOST UNPREPARED I HAVE EVER FELT!!! T.T

Ya Allah. Please give me some kind of luck. Help me. ;(

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

NAK CUTI!!!



Last and final paper for this semester, this sunday - PAEDIATRICS!

oh my God! please finish quickly! I can't even pay attention to my books anymore.. ;(
Hopefully, I'll excel in my last paper. I really want to excel. I should get back to studying then.
Wish me luck! ;P

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

11.1.11


Thursday is the next paper: Psychiatry. Lets just hope I won't go insane. >.<"


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Hostel on Fire

One room in my hostel was burned today. One careless mistake and the whole hostel gets the consequences. We all know why the hostel admin decided to make a common kitchen and I don't understand why people are still so stuborn about it. Right now the victims are all being treated in the hospital.

The fire occured at 5 a.m. I was still awake at that time but I didn't hear anything. You can read about the news here. I know its in Russian. Just click 'translate' on your google bar and it will translate the whole page into you desired language. :)

The University rector came this morning and started punishing those who still kept their stove in the room. I hope everyone and everything will be ok for them.

HAPPY SUNDAY PEOPLE!

p/s: we should always be aware when dealing with electrical stuffs.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

why do we lie, why do we cry, why do we have to say goodbye?

I hope everything goes well tomorrow. I just wanna go home.
*sigh*

Sunday, June 6, 2010

June


Can I skip June? ;P

I have less than 24 hours left to study for my first paper: Therapy.

I suck at Therapy, there's too much to memorize, too much to learn, too many things to diagnose, to treat.. and I have to cramp everything in 4 days! 4 DAYS!!! arrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!

I am so not putting my hopes up for this paper... ;(

wish me luck people!

p/s: So can't wait for exams to be over!!!

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Everyday

Sorry I haven't update any posts lately..
Nothing much has been going on in my life lately.. it's been mellow..
oh! Exam's in a week! erkkk~ and I really have to start studying..
*shit! where's my therapy notes?? T.T

Monday, May 3, 2010

still in doubt..

updates on my current quest of online shopping.. ;P

so, in the end, I decided NOT to buy the mp3 player because after much thought about it.. I don't actually need an mp3 player and after much discussion with bB, he thinks I'm better off without one because I haven't got any luck with the previous 2 mp3 player I owned and I don't actually use them.. so scratch another item on my wishlist..

Right now, I'm currently searching far and wide for the most reasonable price on the Alice in Wonderland Eyeshadow Palette.. and since I already scratched 2 items on my wishlist, I guess I could spend more on this Book of Shadows.. :)) and I'm currently looking at the "Buy It Now" section and there's one that actually looked quite reasonable.. GBP 44.99.. The seller previously sold it at GBP40.00 and someone bought it. Now, I'm regretting not buying it earlier.. I was still kind of in doubt..

although, I have no idea why I am still so scared to make a purchase right now. I just have to get bB's opinion on this thing! should I wait a little while until the price go down a little? or should I just make the purchase now? the price is quite reasonable.. and I am quite scared that someone else would make the purchase, but I'm kinda hoping the seller would reduce the price just a bit more.. *sigh*

later peeps..

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Doubt

ok. here's the deal..
I'm scratching out the Manly's 88 Colors Eye Shadow Palette from my wish list because I don't think I'll be needing 88 eyeshadow colors.. I think it'll be a total waste of money..

and I'm still having doubts over the Hello Kitty mp3 player.. should I buy it? should I not? Do I really need it? or do I just wanna show off? and the sale is ending soon... I better make up my mind soon!!! *sigh*

and I really2 want that Alice in Wonderland eyeshadow palette.. I don't care how much it costs, I'm buying it! The bidding ends tomorrow at 3 a.m. (Russia Time) I hope i'll wake up to make the last minute bidding.. uhukk..

to top that off, I just set up my Paypal account and I still haven't received my confirmation code! I really don't know whether 'sempat' or not to buy that Hello Kitty mp3 player.. (T.T) Otherwise, I'd probably have to get bB for help and use his Paypal instead.. better make up my mind soon! *headache*

Monday, March 29, 2010

Moscow Metro Bomb Attack



The news said 37 people were killed so far (there might be more). Although this was not the first bombing attack that happened in Moscow Metro, it is still scary everytime I think about it though...

I'm taking the metro everyday wherever I go around the city.. It is our main transport here and somehow I never thought that something like this would occur.. Thank God I'm still alive, and my condolences to the victims family.. 2 Malaysian student are on the list of survivors, they are currently in the hospital.. They're not from my university though, MMA students.. We rarely use the Red Line... The Red Line are frequently use by MMA students because their hostel are located there.. We're staying at the Orange Line.. phewww~

Parents are worried.. My classmate's mom called early in the morning while we were waiting for the bus to get to class.. We're kinda ignorant being here, rarely checking out the news.. When we got to the Metro Station, there were announcements all the way.. The ring line was closed.. but everyone seemed to be getting on with their lives.. The metro was still crowded.. Some parents ask their child not to use the metro anymore.. I wish they knew how we are living here.. This isn't exactly KL, where you can easily call the cab.. I rarely see cabs in Moscow.. and the official cabs are so bloody expensive.. it's not like they have meters.. Money are essential here, and the metro is the best and cheapest way to get around..

I'm sad for the bombers too.. I wonder, teruk sangat ke ditindas sampai kena bunuh diri sendiri dan orang lain yg tak bersalah???

Friday, April 3, 2009

M.I.A

I LOST MY FAVOURITE NECKLACE!!! :'((

the silver-heart-shaped i bought last summer in Vincci ECM with Farisa+Fardia..

i don't remember where i put it.. i kinda remember trying it on this morning before going to class, but decided to wear another instead.. now i dont know where it is.. I've searched everywhere! even the bakul sampah! SUMPAH! it was so disgusting! i can't bear checking it twice! [my watch went in there once.. nasib baik tak terbuang].. :P i pakai glove ok mase i check the bakul sampah... it was still disgusting!

oh where oh where can my necklace be? *sob*sob*