Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Love and Lesbians

I'm in a situation, AT A PARTY. where I'm sitting between a lesbian girl and a straight guy. I must admit, the lesbian is quite pretty, and I've had a thing for girls before, but never been in a relationship with one.

Ok, back to the story. I'm sitting there, and the lesbian girl starts to 'manja2' with me. You know, hold hands, hugging, lay down on my lap, talking, laughing etc.. but I don't have feelings for her (yet), but she looks like she might have one on me. The guy is just a friend and nothing more. Well, he has a girlfriend. So what do I matter to him, right?

So, in this situation, the lesbian girl is holding and hugging me, where else the guy, just hold my hand to help me get up. Which one would you be mad at? Would you be mad at me for holding the guy's hand, or would you be mad at me for hugging the lesbian?

Realize this: I might be a bisexual. oh, who knows?

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Mendedah Aurat

Ok. So one of my friend shared this link on facebook. I'm feeling a little offensive because I don't wear hijab/headscarf as a Muslim.

1) The first statement says, it is because of those who doesn't wear hijab is the reason behind the increasing rape cases happening in Malaysia (or around the world).
Ok. Well, are they going to ask all those non-Muslims in Malaysia to wear hijab too just like in Arab? And those that do wear hijab get rapes because of us that doesn't wear them? Isn't that a little prejudice?
You know, my roomate's Russian friend laughed when she told her about rape cases in Malaysia. Its like they never even heard of it. Is it because they're allowed to do sex freely? maybe. But it's definitely not because everyone covers their body here. Its the mentality.
If they want to blame something, I'd rather they blame all those American tv shows and music video. They're showing more body than anyone in Malaysia. And yet, no one blames Astro or even the Internet. Most guys I know download porns, so where's the purpose of every girl wearing headscarf anyway?

2) I have nothing to say about the 2nd statement except that I'm one of those people who says those things. lol. Well, I felt defensive. But I know I'm wrong for not wearing hijab.
Although, I know people who wears hijab but does not solat. I think it's better to build the foundation first. Wearing hijab is not in the list of the Five Pillars of Islam. Only your Iman is in the question. I personally think, they should catch those men who doesn't perform their Solat & Friday prayers first before they start pointing fingers at women who doesn't wear hijab. Don't you agree?

3) Oh, this is like saying, it's ok to be one of those Munafik people. As long as you look good, like you're following God's rule, it's ok. It's ok if you're not doing it whole-heartedly, as long as people see you're doing it, it's ok. As far as I know, Islam isn't the forcing kind, and whatever you do you must do it with all sincerity. Wallahualam.

4) I ask for Allah to open my heart to wear hijab everyday. I'd rather they say to those people who doesn't even pray to Allah, "kalau tak solat sekarang, bila lagi?" and NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I HEARD "bertudunglah sebelum anda ditudungkan". If that's the case, the men should wear hijab as well. heh..

This is just my thought as one of those who doesn't wear a hijab. I don't know why not wearing hijab is one big issue as I see, there are so many other issues that contributes to a damage of society than not wearing hijab. Rape cases still happens in Arab even when everyone is wearing Burqa itself. Correct me if I'm wrong. Wallahualam. In the end, I just give in to Allah s.w.t, as He knows what is best for me. Amin...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Words in my heart

oh, these times are hard, yeah they are making us crazy, don't give up on me baby..

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dance Dance Dance

Would you think bad of me if I were to perform on stage with a guy dancing waltz?

I love dancing. Should I sacrifice my passion & talent for someone? I don't know.

Ps: that guy is not my boyfriend. Would I be humiliating myself & my love?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

I write random words when I'm sad

I tried so hard to understand,
When you left me at your door,
You've left me broken hearted once again,
and my heart crashes on the floor.

I tried so hard to see,
What mistakes I've done wrong,
When everything I say you disagree,
I tried to stay calm, stay strong.

But I couldn't, I cried,
Like so many times before,
Our hearts collide,
But you asked me to ignore.

I tried so hard to make it last,
To please your heart, to please mine,
Is it all that's left is in the past?
I can't let go of my sunshine.

Yours truly,
Anna Amin.

Saturday, April 9, 2011


Kenapa saya tak pandai buat duit?

I don't care about materials, I wanna go travelling. I wanna go to every continent in the world and learn about people cultures and see their beautiful cities. Maybe I should sign up for UNICEF. I've always had that dream, but maybe I have other commitments. Sometimes I feel life is too short, sometimes I feel I never have enough efforts.

I want money to help people. I want money to see the world.

How do you divide your dream and time with your loved ones?

Зачем Я?

Зачем хочу тебя сейчас..
я тебя скучаю...

Monday, April 4, 2011

Floating in My Head

This thought had been a while in my head.

After my friend got an injury while playing sports, the paramedics asked her to go to the doctors to get it stitched, but she rather let it become a scar rather than having it stitched because she's scared, even though we all know that the doctors would use anaesthesia even for stitching. So basically, we just feel a little pressure going through our skin, NO PAIN. I don't need to tell her that, she knows.

This is not the first time she said she's afraid of going to the doctors. Last year, her period didn't come for 2 months. I asked her to get it checked but she said she's afraid, but it came after a week or so after she told me. So we just let it be.

The question in my head, "Kalau doktor(future) takut dengan doktor, mcm mana?" I mean, we all know the outcome and the complications or the severity of procrastinating check-ups and treatments. We know, how severe stages of a disease is more painful than getting early treatments. Unlike people who doesn't have medical background. They can procrastinate or act ignorant about their symptoms. They have the rights to be scared because they don't know. So why are WE scared? What impact would we put on the society? What kind of message are we sending to the society?

Kalau doktor sendiri pun takut dengan doktor, apatah lagi orang2 yang tak belajar dalam bidang perubatan.

I'm always a little upset at people, who wouldn't go to the hospital to get their symptoms checked properly, who let their sickness dragged until sometimes, they had to undergo major surgery. And yet, I have a (future) doctor friend who is afraid of doctors.. sighhh...

Friday, April 1, 2011

Running on Sunshine

Just finished watching Grey's Anatomy latest episode. Oh My God! My favourite so far! just because I love musicals. hehee.. sebaldi air mata...

"Is this what's love suppose to feel like? is this what love feels for other people? well, other people can do it; Meredith and Derek, Christina and Owen, Bailey's got Eli, Karev got Lucy, even Teddy got that tumour patient husband. I want that, I want us to be like that because I love you. I do!"  
- Calliope Iphigenia "Callie" Torres

I know it'd be good. I'm so sad, I couldn't watch it with bB. He was upset with me. sigh...

I dont deserve your attention

I have this bad habit, where I tend to just let things out of my mouth without thinking. I tell everything to every one and I mean EVERYTHING. Bad, good, it doesn't really matter. Private or Public, everything is just public to me. Everything is normal, everyone does it, everyone hears about it, so why is it such a big deal??

I say everything, anything without thinking what others would thought about it, I say them without thinking the impacts and effects it gives, I say them without thinking what others felt about them.

Maybe I hurt someone along the way, maybe I seem disrespectful. Most of the time, it just never hit me. I don't mean it that way.

bB's so upset about it. 4 years, and I still haven't change this attitude. Its still here, its still the same. It still upsets him. This one little tiny habit of mine that is so hard to change, that is bringing such huge complications.

He wants our relationship to be private. I think if he read about the Lychee post he'd be upset too. Most times, he'll get upset even when I wrote something on his facebook wall or a status about our argument.

How do I keep my mind shut? or at least keep it to myself. I tried, but then I'll forget. They always come back and I feel like I'm the worst person in the world for doing such thing. :'(