Wednesday, December 31, 2008


can you believe it? it's already 2009.. FINALLY!! HOLIDAY!! I am so in need of a break!! huhuhu... the time flies by so fast.. and in 15 days is my birthday.. huhuhu.. I'm getting older.. :(

what can i tell you about 2008? i am not so sure, how to summarize 2008.. it has been a good year.. except at the end of it.. was a little, well, f***ked up.. but that's the past..

moving on, i had a great new year's eve.. simple but i was satisfied and truly happy.. it was an intimate evening.. only me and him, i cooked spaghetti bolognese and drank some sparkling tea, watch Wicker Park.. and he bought me a New Year's gift!! maybe Birthday + New Year's gift - TWILIGHT!! i was shocked!! he ordered it online coz we couldn't find any english Twilight in Moscow, every book was translated in Russian.. it was so sweet of him.. and well, i didn't get anything for him..huhuhu.. I'll get him something later, though, i did bought for him a United Colours of Bennington black pants.. does that count?? :P later we went to Fareez's room.. karaoke-ing, and telling some stupid-funny stories.. i had a great night.. :)

Our New Year Dinner

Twilight - the gift that bB gave.. :)

every year, i had my ups and downs.. it was good in the beginning, but i was a little unhappy at the end of 2008.. i don't really know why.. and it was upsetting him as well.. maybe it's the stress I've been going through.. 3rd year of medicine is killing me!! @_@ and this is just the first semester.. oh God, how i wish this 2 semesters would fly off as quickly as possible.. i still haven't settled my credits.. i think, all that's left is pathophysiology and pathoanatomy.. although, i am not so worried about pathoanatomy but quite worried about pathophysiology.. *sigh*

i have decided to go back home this winter holiday.. just to release all the stress, plus i need to get a new passport... ;D

and owh! every year I'll put up my resolutions on my blog.. if anyone was following my friendster blog, they would know.. unfortunately, i deleted that blog due to an argument i had with bB.. now, i regretted what i had done.. regretted it so bad!! damn it! owh well, lets learn from the past..

I did remember some resolutions from last year though, one of them was settle all my exams on time or get zachut(credits) on time.. something like that.. haha! that's the only thing that i remember.. oh well, now..


  • settle all my credits on time.. ( i hope i can)

  • pray more, be more spiritual and a little more religious but still keep an open mind. :)

  • go to every concert held in Moscow or KL.. [haha! can i add this to my resolutions? i regretted not going for Avril Lavigne's concert so much!! She held a concert in Moscow(June) and KL(August) and I didnt go for any of them!! damn it la.. dah la she's my favourite artist since high school!! :(( BSB punye concert in Moscow pon tak pegi.. huhuh..]

  • be more patient, and less impulsive

  • be more loving

  • study harder

  • be more open minded

  • less complaining.. and be more grateful

  • kurangkan keborosan, be more careful with my spending.. *sigh*

i think that's all for this year.. :) i hope i could fulfill my resolutions..

after all that writing, i think i regretted most things that had happened in 2008.. most times i do feel like turning back time.. but there's no hope of doing so.. so i shall declare 2008 - MY MOST REGRETFUL YEAR.. i am rarely a regretful person, i don't really know what happened last year.. huhuhu.. well, just hope that 2009 shall bring me more prosper and i shall try to think before i act!! :D


Saturday, December 27, 2008


i was walking back to my hostel after class just now, and the sun set caught my eyes.. the Sun was HUGE and BRIGHT!! it was just so GORGEOUS...

cantek kan? :)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

7 days and still counting...

finished my Hygiene and Ecology exam yesterday.. so far so good, i didnt get any really2 hard questions.. but to get 5 is still 50-50.. now all i can do is pray to Allah.. :) and i passed my written part of pathan colloq.. alhamdulillah.. so now, kene buat the oral part of the colloq plak.. colloq - short form utk colloquium.. so, kalau takde oral part, pggl test je la..

Owh, called my mom after i got back from class.. she said Nabilla got into SMART.. heheh.. and she said Saddam tak bg die masok SABS coz nnt die jadi lg spoil.. i see no difference really.. SMART pon cam byk je bdak spoil.. haha.. tp bdak2 lg pandai kot.. haha! :P any SABS-ian reading this, jgn la amek hati sgt ye.. so, the legacy continues.. Saddam sorang je yang kat SABS.. nanti mesti Nabilla start tny, "time kaklong dulu, ade tak cikgu 'what-so-ever' ajar kaklong?"... (but this time i can say, "gi tanye abg Man". haha!)

i used to be in MGPS, during my primary school.. and she entered to MGPS also.. fyi, my age gap with Nabilla is 9 years.. so when she was 7 i was already 16, can u imagine her asking me about who is my standard 1 teachers? she asked me until she finished standard 6.. of course la i dont remember my primary school teachers!! name tak igt la.. tp kalau tgk muke bley igt kot.. [kot~] :P haha!

i think, last year, i went to SMART, to get some of my certificates copy certified, and suddenly my ex-physics teacher yelled out my name.. "MAIMUNA!!".. i was like (in my heart la), "uikss.. cikgu igt name aku lg.. dah 2 thn kot tak jumpe and the most embarassing part was.. i didnt remember her name.. i was like, "ape ek name cikgu ni? aiseyh.. cikgu igt, i plak tak igt.." malu giler!! and i just said, "eh, cikgu~".. and salam her.. lol~!! well, i know her name la now.. i told the story to fareha.. and she told me her name.. Pn. Rohana ( ke Rahana?) ahaks.. tatau la.. buat malu je..

ok now, kene get back to updating my notes..

and owh! today, the snow finally has fallen.. igtkan tak snow sampai january.. the snow is a late this year.. (global warming?)

later y'all~

Sunday, December 21, 2008

10 days and counting..

oh God.. i cant wait for the holidays.. let it be 1 week or not, i need a break.. fyi, in russia, there's no Christmas holiday on the 25th.. so we'll be celebrating New Year's instead.. the holiday is until 11, right after the Orthodox Christian Christmas on the 7th January..

i have pathoanatomy colloq tomorrow... and Hygiene exam on Tuesday.. damn it! teruk betul Ali, ade ke patut change exam date.. kate on Thursday, suke2 hati je.. tau la die lecturer tp.... ishh.. tension betol..

i have been studying pathan since Friday.. dah Sunday pon tak habis2 lg hafal the questions and answers.. why is it so hard to concentrate?!! :(

well, gotta get back to my studying.. i hope I'll pass tomorrow.. and i don't think I'll score 5 for hygiene seeing that i could only study it for one night.. naseb baik multiple choice.. well, just hope that 1 night is enough to study 329 questions.. arghhh!! *sob*sob*


Thursday, December 18, 2008

my [♥] is the worst kind of weapon

maybe it is better to be heartless than to have your heart broken so many times...

It’s my heart you’re stealing
It’s my heart you take
It’s my heart you’re dealing with
And it’s my heart you’ll break

It’s my heart you’re taking
It’s breaking bit by bit
It’s my heart you’re dealing with
But you don’t know about it

If you’d feel like I feel
And if you’d know what I know
I don’t think you’d ever play me
I know you’d never play me

"The Perishers - My Heart"

bicaraku dengan sepi, sangat kejam kata hati...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Rantai Rasa Cinta

Dari pandangan aku

masih kita usaha

berpaut dengan rantai rasa cinta

Kau pasti menungguku

ku juga begitu

berpaut dengan rantai rasa cinta

Usah kau cuba tuk menangis

untuk bahagia

Usah kau cuba tuk menangis

untuk bahagia..

Ku tak mahu binasa

biar kita selalu

berpaut dengan rantai rasa cinta....

Usah kau cuba tuk menangis

untuk bahagia

Usah kau cuba tuk menangis

untuk bahagia..

Usah kau cuba tuk menangis

untuk bahagia

Usah kau cuba tuk menangis

untuk bahagia

Usah kau cuba tuk menangis

untuk bahagia

Thursday, December 11, 2008

but first... finish med school

Young Docs Walk a Tightrope

After completing a gruelling course, young doctors have another challenge to face – a demanding two-year housemanship where they rely on lots of coffee, cope with very little sleep and put up with public chastisements.

SHE had always wanted to be a doctor but six months into her housemanship, she snapped and just couldn’t take the stress anymore.

*Kavitha found the workload and endless hours on call a real burden, sapping her energy and spirit. Today, says her concerned father *Gurdave, she is close to having a nervous breakdown and is seeing a psychiatrist for counselling.

“The work load was too heavy and the hours too long. When she was on call, she sometimes had to work for up to 36 hours straight. She wants to be transferred to another hospital but every hospital is just as bad.

“But I don’t want her to walk away from the profession. I have spent close to RM400,000 on her education. I don’t want anything back but just for her to get through this,” says Gurdave.

Unfortunately, housemanship is taking its toll on many young doctors like Kavitha. Statistically, she is one of at least five housemen a month who is found to be suffering from mental illness.

Health Ministry director-general Tan Sri Dr Ismail Merican revealed last week that many of the medical graduates are unable to cope with their housemanship.

“The mental cases range from psychotic to neurotic. Psychotic cases include delusions and hallucinations, and neurotic behaviour includes anxiety, fear and anger due to the competitive environment.’’

On-call system

The term houseman refers to an advanced student or graduate in medicine gaining supervised practical experience. In Malaysia, it is compulsory for doctors to undergo housemanship for two years after completing their medical degree. During housemanship, they are rotated among six departments – emergency department, medical, paediatric, general surgery, orthopaedic, and obstetrics and gynaecology – where they are attached to for four months each.

Over the years, those undergoing housemanship have been voicing their unhappiness but these complaints have generally fallen on deaf ears. The biggest grouse housemen have seems to be the on-call system, where they are sometimes subjected to work 36 hours at a stretch.

*Pedro, who is into his sixth month of housemanship, says he has on occasion worked 38 hours straight with only one hour rest in-between.

“In some hospitals, the patient load is non-stop as they have to accept referrals from other hospitals,” says Pedro, adding that this is more apparent at hospitals in Johor Baru and Klang which are the busiest in the country.

Housemen are provided facilities such as beds and they can sleep if they have no cases to attend to. However, this is rarely the case and the most sleep they get is about two to three hours. And that is only when the housemen take turns to sleep, says *Lalitha whose housemanship stint ended recently.

“We force ourselves to carry on. What keeps us going is coffee and tea. It is only after we are no longer on call that we can go back and crash until the next day,” she says. Depending on the department and the hospital they are serving in, housemen could be on-call for up to 15 days a month. Lalitha says that during her first posting, she would work from 6am to midnight every day.

“We go home, have a bath and sleep for five hours before the cycle is repeated. They are preparing us for the on-call,” she says.

Shortage of doctors

Dr Kuljit Singh, president of the Malaysian Society of Otorhinolaryngology and Head Neck Surgeons (MSO- HNS), believes that one factor that can cause high pressure for trainee doctors is the shortage of doctors at some hospitals.

“Some hospitals have a lower doctor to patient ratio, so the housemen, being the lowest category in the medical fraternity, have to take on a lot of the work and responsibility, especially the lousy tasks, in the name of training,” he says.

Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia Medical Centre (PPUKM) dean and director Prof Datuk Dr Lokman Saim agrees, saying that pressure from their heavy workload can push some doctors to the brink of breaking down.

“It is normal for a doctor to be on duty for more than 36 hours with on-call duties. In Europe, this has been recognised as a problem and they have passed a law to state that doctors cannot work more than 12 hours straight. Maybe we need laws like that if we want to improve our doctors’ welfare,” he opines.

Under the European Working Time Directive in 2004, junior doctors can work no more than 56 hours a week. They can work up to 13 hours a day but then have to have an 11-hour break.

Acknowledging that the number of doctors in Malaysia may still be too low for such a ruling, Dr Lokman nevertheless thinks it is a possible solution for the future.

Dr Lokman thinks that the problem of housemen suffering from mental problems can be prevented at the entry point of the profession.

“Currently, for public universities, students are selected by the Higher Education Ministry based on their exam results and co-curriculum activities. No interviews are conducted, so there is no way for the individual medical schools to assess their attitude and character. If we get the right candidates for the programme, we can be sure of the doctors we produce,” he argues.

However, he admits that it is not a foolproof method but he believes that it will help weed out the obviously unsuitable candidates.

“Many students are forced by their parents to take up medicine and these students end up very stressed because the course is difficult and they are not motivated. It will help us ascertain if a candidate has the right attitude and disposition to be a doctor,” he adds.

He highlights that a majority of students who fail and drop out of medicine are those who are forced by their parents into the field.


But for those who successfully completed their degree, the challenge is dealing with the hospital environment.

They may have to contend with a handful of senior medical officers with the “Napoleon” complex who make the lives of the housemen difficult, says Dr Kuljit Singh who had served in government hospitals before branching out into private service.

“There is sometimes an element of bullying and high-handedness in the way some senior medical officers and consultants treat their junior house officers. They become Little Napoleons and are dictatorial. They say they went through the same regiment and that made them good doctors, so the newbies need to go through the same process,” says Dr Kuljit.

A senior doctor in the Johor Baru hospital, *Zul is also not happy with the treatment dished out to housemen.

“I have seen the degrading treatment given to medical officers, even after they have finished their housemanship,” he says. Zul himself was a houseman in the same hospital a few years ago and he says nothing has changed.

“If they talk about your work then it’s all right, but then they go into character assassination,” he says.

The housemen are usually screamed at by their specialists in the wards and in the clinics, he adds.

“The words used in front of patients are sometimes so degrading that in my opinion, it is these specialists who are the ones suffering from ‘mental woes’,” says Zul.

Those who fought back would be referred to the head of department who would either try to rectify the situation or extend the posting of the houseman, adds Zul.

A few of the housemen say there have been times when they were threatened with extensions in the department by medical officers.

Zul says that three of his friends quit the medical profession during their housemanship, with one of them ending up as a housewife.

“One of them would get anxiety attacks whenever she came to the ward. The thing is she was an excellent student,” says Zul.

*Maniam was barely a week into his housemanship when a specialist yelled at him in front of a patient.

“He asked me if I paid to pass my exams and also said I was the worst doctor he had ever come across. How can he say such a thing when I was there for only a week? They tend to look down on us as if we don’t know anything,” says Maniam.

However, Dr Kuljit, who taught at Universiti Malaya, shares that many students today are more pampered and have led a sheltered life, and thus cannot stand the pressure. Many come from a protected family environment, so when they are reprimanded, they get stressed and depressed. He believes that medical schools need to instil more soft skills, particularly interpersonal skills, in their students.

“We have many top scorers taking up medicine but many of them lack people skills. These students can manage with their studies but when they start working, they don’t know how to deal with their superiors, especially when they get scolded by them,” he says.

Pedro, on the other hand, does not have problems with any of the senior doctors he has to work with and says they are gems.

“I have no complaints because they teach us a lot. They offer us the opportunity to learn complicated procedures. They are willing to teach you even if there are possible complications. Even the specialists take time to teach you,” he adds.

President of the Malaysian Medical Association Datuk Khoo Kar Lin is unsure about the cause of mental problems faced by the doctors although he says the finding by the Health Ministry is a concern. He says a survey should be done on housemen to find out the causes.

“We have not received any complaints (about housemanship). I went through the system myself and from my impression it is not different from say 30 years ago. They are not being more overworked than yesterday,” says Khoo, adding that he enjoyed his housemanship.

“Every profession will have its challenges. We have to be cautious because people will always think that they are victimised and work longer hours compared to others,” adds Khoo.

President of the Malaysian Mental Health Association Datin Dr Ang Kim Teng says that housemanship could be a contributing factor to mental problems.

“It is not the job that causes it but the underlying susceptibility. Some people are more prone to this and the job stress could be a triggering factor. Factory workers, policemen and teachers can also face the same problem.

“It all depends on the individual’s ability to cope with stress. A lot of housemen go through their stints without any problems,” says Dr Ang.

Lalitha enjoyed her housemanship despite the many challenges in the different departments.

“We know this awaits us in the field. When I first started, I asked myself what I was doing here. The doctors pick on your mistakes and are not bothered if you have enough rest,” says Lalitha who got used to housemanship by her third posting.

She believes adaptation is the hardest and those who studied in foreign universities may have it tougher as they may not understand some of the terms used.

For *Tan, her social life took the backstage and she had to cut down on spending time with her family and friends.

“Those were the times when I thought of quitting but the feeling passed very quickly,” she says.

Tan didn’t really encounter any problems with the staff but has friends who have had books thrown at them and senior staff nurses giving them a hard time.

“At the end of the day, I am satisfied that I have somehow made a difference in a patient’s life. I don’t have any regrets getting into this line,” she says.

For Pedro, the only time he feels discouraged is when he has to get up at 5.30am for work.

“Once you get there it’s over in a snap,” he shares, adding that he feels really good when patients come out of life-threatening situations.

Pedro also says with all the running around they have to do, housemanship is the best weight loss programme.

“I can now fit into pants which I wore in Form Five!” he quips.

Prevention at entry

Dr Lokman Saim thinks that the problem can be prevented at the entry point of the profession, which is the medical course.

“Currently, for the public university, students are selected by the Higher Education Ministry based on their exam results and co-curriculum activities.

“No interviews are conducted, so there is no way for the individual medical schools to asses their attitude and character. If we get the right candidates for the programme, we can be sure of the doctors we produce,” Dr Lokman argues.

He admits that it is not a foolproof method but he believes that it will help.

“Many students are forced by their parents to take up medicine and these students end up very stressed because the course is difficult and they are not motivated. It will help us ascertain if a candidate has the right attitude and disposition to be a doctor,” he adds.

He highlights that the majority of students who fail and drop out of medicine are those who are forced by their parents into the field.

*Names have been changed to protect identities

The Star Online