Sunday, May 30, 2010

Ice Ice Baby

Day 5 without hot water.

The truth is I don't mind bathing with cold water, but the cold water here is like ICE COLD! like really really really COLD! if you put your fingers under the running water long enough, I think you could get frost bites! seriously! Imagine bathing with ice water! I'm not joking! and the weather isn't helping either! It's been gloomy and cold and rainy the whole week. Talk about bad timing.

But being me, I am the most laziest person you could have ever met! I'm too lazy to boil hot water. I'm too lazy to wait for the water to be boiled. So, 'ice ice baby' here I come! I've been doing this for 5 days now. Well, I only bathe once a day though. The weather is cold, so no stinky, sweaty me. :)

I've had my bath 2 hours ago. I'm wearing my sweater and absorbing heat from my laptop and my study lamp. I feel like the water is getting colder day by day. shit! I think I'll start boiling water tomorrow. There's no way I'm bathing with cold water 2 weeks straight in this weather! brrrrrr~

I shouldn't be complaining. This stuff happens every year. They need to clean the water pipes. It's not only the hostel, It's the whole of Moscow (or maybe Russia). It's not it's the first time. But damn it! the timing is so damn bad!! if it was a hot summer day, I really wouldn't mind bathing with this cold water. I've been doing it every year for 5 years!!!

Post-bathe with cold water syndromes: goosebumps that doesn't go away after 2 hours, dry skin, tachycardia, shortness of breath, brain freeze, muscle pain, shivering, tingling effect (kebas) of your fingers and toes for a couple of hours and feeling so damn HUNGRY! :(

now I need to take my Wudu'. (T.T)

Saturday, May 29, 2010


Sorry I haven't update any posts lately..
Nothing much has been going on in my life lately.. it's been mellow..
oh! Exam's in a week! erkkk~ and I really have to start studying..
*shit! where's my therapy notes?? T.T

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Accept what come to you

I need to learn to let go..

I just have to let go..

Things happens, Shit happens, but life moves on..

there's no reason for it to linger..

there's no reason at all...

It's either I let go or I confront it..

I'd feel better if I could do either..

but I couldn't do neither..

Damn it! Where did my courage go?

Monday, May 10, 2010


Forget the pretty flowers that will wilt, forget the delicate trinkets that may get lost, forget the exaltations that probably fall on deaf ears. Instead, make every mother's effort to raise their child worthwhile; make them proud to be your mother. - Sasha Zuleika

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Whatever I did, I'm sorry

I'm never great at making friends.

I'm always appear to be too proud and snobbish. People portray me as the 'rich girl'. Well, I am proud and snobbish sometimes because I'm proud of who I am. I can't help feeling that way but I'm not that confident with myself to be frank, I still have that low self esteem going on in me. The rich girl part can't be help, but the truth is I'm not rich nor are my family. We're normal people.

It's difficult for me to make the first move. I get along easily with friendly people, with those who don't judge me before they know me. I help those who are in need, but it's hard for me to voluntarily give help. haha. I don't know why. But I do it from time to time because it's the right thing to do. :)

But sometimes, a friendship goes wrong. It doesn't happen to me once or twice. I lost count. Several times perhaps. Most of it I forgot about it because it's too hurtful to think about. Most times, they blame me for it. People don't like proud people. People don't like people who are better than them. People don't like people who has more than them especially those who are close to them. Well, this is my experience. They don't like me because of what I speak, of what I say, of how I act after they've created a friendship between us, they stop talking to me and they just left me wondering. But the truth is, I'm no better than them. I'm just like them. I have nothing more that what you have and I am content.

After I confront them, they'd tell me how I am always too proud of myself, proud of what I have, proud of whatever that belongs to me, how I don't care about other people's feelings and say mean things. Yes I have that kind of problem, I don't think before I say things. They always come out wrong but I never realised it until later. I just say what I feel like saying. And! I have a problem of saying sorry. I mean, I feel sorry deep down in my heart about how I acted, but it's just hard to say them especially when I'm confronting the people. I get freaked out, scared, depressed. It's all in my head "I'M REALLY SORRY! REALLY" but they come out wrong like blabber, like stutter, and they interpret it wrongly, like it's not sincere enough. *sigh*

True friends are hard to find. Those who don't take the 'mean' things I say seriously, who thinks that those 'mean' things are just jokes (well, perhaps they are). They are my true friends.

To me, losing a friend is worse than breaking up with a guy. I'm still friends with my exes actually and it bothers my bf. But friendship is just too precious to me.

I hope you're still my friend. I hope you'll be my true friend. If I did something wrong please tell, I'll make it up somehow. I'm sorry. Truly sorry.

Yours truly.

Monday, May 3, 2010

still in doubt..

updates on my current quest of online shopping.. ;P

so, in the end, I decided NOT to buy the mp3 player because after much thought about it.. I don't actually need an mp3 player and after much discussion with bB, he thinks I'm better off without one because I haven't got any luck with the previous 2 mp3 player I owned and I don't actually use them.. so scratch another item on my wishlist..

Right now, I'm currently searching far and wide for the most reasonable price on the Alice in Wonderland Eyeshadow Palette.. and since I already scratched 2 items on my wishlist, I guess I could spend more on this Book of Shadows.. :)) and I'm currently looking at the "Buy It Now" section and there's one that actually looked quite reasonable.. GBP 44.99.. The seller previously sold it at GBP40.00 and someone bought it. Now, I'm regretting not buying it earlier.. I was still kind of in doubt..

although, I have no idea why I am still so scared to make a purchase right now. I just have to get bB's opinion on this thing! should I wait a little while until the price go down a little? or should I just make the purchase now? the price is quite reasonable.. and I am quite scared that someone else would make the purchase, but I'm kinda hoping the seller would reduce the price just a bit more.. *sigh*

later peeps..