Friday, March 8, 2013

Where is my heart?

I'm struggling to find back my passion towards medicine. I used to love it so much. I mean, I still love medicine, but when I am back from work, all I can about is sleep. Even when I am at work, all I can think about is sleep. I WANT SLEEP.

I am lacking in so many things. My supervisors don't think I'm improving. I don't know if I still have that confidence or strength to go on. I don't let my parents know about it, though.

I still wake up at 5 a.m, to be at work by 6 a.m. At times I get to work by 7 a.m because I overslept and I won't have time to review all my patients by 8.30 am, and I get scolded for not knowing my patient's progress or when I forgot to fill in their latest blood results or when I mixed up my patients. And they say "potong 1 jam gaji" because I woke up late. And they'll say "You know, during my time as a houseman I took care of 28 patients!" I understand that, and I am severely impressed by how they did it! Anyway, I never went back on time. I always end up staying 1 or 2 hours later anyway but I won't get that extra pay. They should know right? Even they don't always go back on time either.

By the time I got back, I never open my books. I don't have the mood, because all I want is SLEEP. My precious precious sleep. I want 12 hours of sleep.

The cycle goes on, and I get scolded for not knowing the pathology of a disease or the aetiology or the common symptoms. I get scolded because I never revised at home. Yes, 7 years of med school and I still can't remember what bacterias cause Pneumonia. heh. 5 months of holiday, I didn't even open any books. So, yeah.

I just don't know what will happen. Everyone said it'll get better, but will it really? With my current situation, no one says I'm improving, and I don't even have that feeling where I want to prove them wrong.....

Anyway, apart from my depression. We found the perfect engagement ring for me! Finally!!! Although, we have to order a new size which will take a month. My fingers are too small.. The ring is very simple, so don't expect anything fancy. heee.. =)


3 comments:

petite girl said...

Sweetie! I'm happy that you found the perfect ring.

babe, you scares me! but a VC of a medic school once told me, the hardest part is when you're HO and MO. I guess it's normal:)

Come on, those supervisors bagi la motivation not underestimate.

petite girl said...

Sweetie! I'm happy that you found the perfect ring.

babe, you scares me! but a VC of a medic school once told me, the hardest part is when you're HO and MO. I guess it's normal:)

Come on, those supervisors bagi la motivation not underestimate.

BrilliantWriter said...

Kak Anna, all the best! jangan stress2 ye :) Saya doakan yg terbaik untuk akak. Oh by the way, saya baru habis tengok satu cerita ni. pasal Interns buat internship dekat hospital especially trauma and ER. Mungkin akak nak tengok? Tapi dia cerita korea lah, (yang bestnya takde merepek2 pasal cinta pun! pasal hospital je.). tajuk dia, "Golden Time". Watch it if you're free :)