Keep Calm and....

HUWAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I'M CURRENTLY, OFFICIALLY PANICKING!!!! MY HEART CAN'T STAY CALM AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!

EXAM'S IN LESS THAN 36 HOURS AND I FEEL LIKE I KNOW SHIT NOTHING! THE LAST TIME I FELT LIKE THIS WAS DURING MY OPERATIVE SURGERY EXAM!!!

AND TO MAKE MATTER WORSE, I HAVE A PLANE TO MADRID TO CATCH AT 6.50PM!!!! means I HAVE TO BE AT THE AIRPORT BY 5.30 PM. And I have no idea what time my exam will finish. It's an oral exam. So whoever goes first, finishes first. I could go in early. yes. IF I PASSED THE BLOODY MCQ QUESTIONS!!!!

It takes 1 hour 15 minutes from the hospital to the hostel, and 1 hour 40 minutes from the hostel to the airport. Means, I have to leave the hospital at 2PM if I want to reach the airport at 5PM.

arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I'M SO PANICKING RIGHT NOW!!!

Please pray I'll pass my exams. Please pray I'll be at the airport by 5pm! I'M SO WORRIED... I want to cry... T_____________T

Twenties Girl

So, my birthday was 3 days ago. I didn't update anything because I had my 1st exam paper today. Which went pretty well.

Anyway, I didn't have any major birthday party or anything because of the exams. Yeah. Bummer. Every year my birthday falls on exam's month since I came to Moscow. heh.

bB made a little surprise for me, where he asked Fareez to specially deliver a birthday cake for me. So he sang happy birthday and I cut the cake while skyping at 8pm Moscow time and 12 am Malaysian time. Yeah.. That's long distance for you I supposed. huhu.. He had to sleep early because he had to work. So we celebrated my birthday according to Malaysian time. huhu.

Since my hostel is doing re-wiring, and currently their re-wiring my floor. So, I'm staying at my Sasha's room for a week. So she and her blockmates made pancake for me, and we had another candle-blowing-birthday celebration at 12 midnight Moscow time. hehe...

And OH! My mom made this really cute card for me! It's really cute!!! My mom always has been very creative. How else would she be so awesome at her job, right?! ^_^

Isn't it cute?! ^_^

Well, this year's celebration is small but quite special too. Even though we're far apart, we're always have each other's hearts. I miss you all! :')

PS: Still waiting for my sister's card to arrive. She made a card for me too! ^_^

Tick Tock

MY EXAM'S TOMORROW!!!

Ya Allah, please don't let this happen to me tomorrow. 

May you ease all my concerns. Amin.

Wish me luck!!! >.<

Life is Short

‎"How often do we hear others say, “Oh, I’ll travel when I retire,” “I’ll travel when the kids are grown,” “I’ll travel when the house is paid off”? I hear these excuses all the time. But you know what happens? Age. And stress. And, well, life. Life happens, and by the time you retire and your kids are grown and your house is paid off, you have bad knees and weak lungs and you simply can’t visit all those places you dreamed about in your youth."

That's why I'm walking, till I can't walk no more and spending every penny I have. Because memories can't be bought, and we can't bring wealth to death.  What I have is enough, if I can put food in my mouth and pay my bills. If Allah swt decides to give me more, I'll be more than ever grateful.

I want to see the world while I can walk. Even when I'm married and have children. I will bring my children to every places that I go. I won't wait for them to grow up. Money can be found. But time, we can never get back the time that we lost.

"I do, dont I?"

I'm tired of everyone asking when I'm gonna say "I do". It's not that I don't want to sit on the pelamin and be thrown with bunga rampai and perfume water. It's just that I am just not ready to take that big step.

It feels scary to me.

Yeah, I was all out for it 5 years ago. It was in one of my wishlist to be married at 25. Try searching the post in the archive 4 or 5 years ago, I'm sure you'll find it.

I'll be 25 in less than 2 weeks and I am scared as hell to get married and I'm so tired hearing people asking me, "so, when is your turn?, when's your big day?". I think all my single and in a relationship friends are going through the same thing as me. I don't know who gets it harder, the single ones or the in a relationship ones.

I see my friends getting engaged, getting married like its so easy to do. So why is so hard for me? It's the same feeling when people ask me "when are you going to wear hijab?" yerp. the same exact feeling. When I just feel like running away every time people ask me that. Yeah, I've been with the same guy for almost 5 years now, but I see relationships go wrong even after 10 years together. Yeah yeah. Don't you people start with me about the relationships because of Allah swt and the right path.

Like this couple did

I'm not them.

So I've summed up why I don't want to get married (yet).

1. Everytime we fight, we break up. Like how is that supposed to make me feel secured when we're married. Don't fight? yeah. like that's going to work. So every time we fight we'll ask for divorce? How does it work? Do we feel differently when we're married, because divorce are such a hassle, do we just break up while we're married and then get back together? LOL! I can't seem to find that security from him yet. Every time I cry, he leaves. I just can't stand that.
2. Both of us can't decide where we'll be staying after marriage. I mean, I want to stay in Kuantan of course but he doesn't want to stay near the mother in law, and I don't want to stay in Johor!! KL is ok, but my heart still says Kuantan. 
3. The ceremony will be tiring. Yeah, I wish I want a small wedding, a true Islamic wedding but I'm sure my mom won't allow it. You see, my family is big, REALLY BIG. My grandfather on my father's side has 4 wives and 20 children and my mom has 9 siblings. So you can imagine. Plus my parents are upper class people, so they have reputation. I really doubt they'd go for a wedding in the mosque.
4. The truth is, I just don't think I'm ready to be a wife. Not until my bB let go of the things he wants me to be, but accept me. I can't stand his bickering of me not covering my hair, although the topic has stopped for quite some time now, I'm sure it'll resurface soon. Maybe I'll get married once I'm ready to wear hijab. haha.. I'm praying every day that I'll open my heart to His religion, but I just can't take it when other people keep asking me to do it. 

When the time comes, it'll come. Only Allah knows. InsyaAllah, I won't stray. ;)

Note to self: Kenapa susah sangat nak buat pahala? Kalau hati tak ikhlas pun tak guna rasanya...

I'll get married, when he can stand in front of me and watch me cry when I'm upset.

New Soul

First post of 2012!! woot woot!

Happy new year to those who're still on holidays and enjoying the New Year. ;)

As for me, I need to start STUDYING!!!! My exam's will be on 18th and 24th January. >.< How I wish I could skip those exams and wen't straight to my winter trip. But they're state exams! State Exams means, if you fail, you have to repeat the whole semester all over again... HUWAARGH! Doesn't that makes you feel better? NOT! As scared as I am, I find it very hard to start studying. Oh God, help me! My batchmates said, 6 years are taking it's toll, but I think I'm just being lazy. I hope my momentum is coming soon! I really need them!!

Anyway, now I'll be announcing where I'm going this winter break:

We'll be stopping by MADRID to MARRAKECH, to BARCELONA to LISBOA and back to Madrid before flying off to Moscow. These places are the reason I can't concentrate on the papers in front of me, because I keep wanting to search about the cities and make itineraries. Usually, my bB makes the bookings, the itineraries, the tours. I just follow. I'll be going with 4 more girls. Since I'm the leader for this trip, I'm a bit worried, because guys are usually more organize and has better sense of directions. That's why I'm like studying the cities one by one, so we won't get lost or waste energy. I really should transfer this energy to the exams coming up!! >_<

So wish me the best of luck for my finals and my winter trip! ^_^

Oh yeah. The city you all thought was San Francisco, it's actually Lisboa in Portugal. The bridge called 25 de Abril Bridge is actually a twin of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, USA. It was built by the same company that built the Golden Gate Bridge. Google it! ;-D